atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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