Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
