if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
