I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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