i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
