I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
