You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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