why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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