sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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