And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
