Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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