He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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