finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize