listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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