i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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