I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
