We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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