I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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