I want to make a zoo with you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize