is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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