Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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