On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
