cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
