I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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