you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
