there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
