My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
