why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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