Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
