Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
