problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
