Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
