So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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