If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
