i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
