My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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