I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
