I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
