Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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