Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
