I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
