Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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