I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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