i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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