Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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