my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
