I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
