UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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