No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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