my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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