if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize