I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
