you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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