he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
