Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
