sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
