Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
