his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
