He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
