When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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