My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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