There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize