Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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