he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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