Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
