porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this boner is exhausting
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize