I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
