what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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