You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
