you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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