i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
