if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize