I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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