i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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