I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
