she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
