i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
