If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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