i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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