im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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